Wonder Woman

It’s been checkup time in Elainelandia recently, on accounta I have new health insurance. I’m trying to use it as much as possible before they realize I am not Their Kind, and give me the boot.

Apparently Рand this is truly extraordinary Рpeople with employment that includes benefits are encouraged to go to preventive healthcare appointments! In fact, to make it attractive, health insurance companies cover most or all of the cost. So you can get checked out for free! (Or free-ish.)

I tell you: it’s like being on a WHOLE NOTHER PLANET. I’ve been on both sides of many sets of fences in my life, but this is my strongest experience yet of Seeing How The Other Half Lives.

My half — artists, the self-employed, and poor people (draw your own overlapping Venn diagrams) —¬† waits in lines, goes to clinics, applies for programs, and sort of begs to get preventive care.
It’s a giant time- and soul-sucking hassle, and hard to manage at all unless you have big stretches of flexible time during the weekday, several days a week. As a result, most of us don’t see doctors unless we are brought to them on a stretcher.

Whereas, on the other side of the fence: if you do ‘wellness visits’, they not only pay for it, they send you a $50 gift card to someplace like Marhsall’s, to thank you for going to your own doctor’s appointment.

That’s crazy, right! Can you believe it?!?! Who knew!

Wait… seriously? You did?¬† You *have* that?

WHAT?!

Have you had this the whole time?

No way. Really? How have we been friends this whole time and you never told me? I guess that explains all the Marshall’s giftcards I get for my birthday. (I do like Marshall’s… okay, we’re cool.)

Anyway. I digress.

The point is, I have this now, so I have been on a Spend Their Money spree. I went to everything I could think of… and the results are in, and it makes me feel like a goddess.

Yes, my neck hurts, I’d like to lose a few pounds, and my sleep is not what it could be, but on the other hand: rock star blood pressure, 20/15 vision (fighter pilot eyes, my friends), and no cavities!

I am invincible! Beware my stern glance and cuffs of gold! I am WONDER WOMAN.

I am going to lasso giftcards from this side of the fence, hop in my invisible plane, fly back to the other side, and work out healthcare deals for everyone! Wonder Woman to the rescue! How cool would that be?

The point is… well I’ve forgotten the point entirely by now, but it’s good to be able to see a doctor before you’re neck-deep in the soup. So if you have that, take advantage, fer cryin’ out loud.

And if you don’t, feel free to give me a holler. I got some ideas. I am rock star goddess Wonder Woman, after all. Plane, lasso, cuffs — and nearly unlimited access to Marshall’s.

 

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